Define spiritual transformation. How does it come about?

Today's prompt embodies me. I am currently undergoing a transformation....I am working on a better me. In doing so, I believe to transform oneself, you must reflect upon yourself, and that means looking at both the good AND the bad. It is hard to face humility, to truly let your guard down and look at what we consider our ugliness, the things that we are ashamed of about ourselves, our past, our flaws and our pain. I am in the process of this now and I must admit it is difficult, it is painful and it is emotional. Perhaps the most difficult and emotional part of the process is realizing, despite all that I consider to be wrong with me and just how flawed I am, He still loves me. Honestly, there have been moments recently when I have broken over His unconditional love because I cannot fully understand it...I cannot comprehend it's depths.

What I do believe is that the transformation is a necessity for a fruitful life. We need Christ...I need Christ. His absence from my life has caused me to plummet and do so many things that I regret. I embrace my transformation, as it makes me hopeful for a promised future, one that fills me with the hope of a promised life.

Do you participate in a creative practice that you define as prayer?

From today's reading in Samuel, the following stood out to me, Mortals judge on outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.  What lies within us is what ultimately defines who we are...our actions show what lies within. 

I identify myself through my job....in fact, my job is the creative practice that I define as prayer.  I want to help others.  I volunteer every year to take on more "general" classes, as opposed to "advanced" because those are the kids that need me, those are the reasons why I do my job.  If I have touched or changed one life as a result of a student being in my classroom, then I have served my purpose.  I care about kids--I try to find good in all of my students and give them a chance, when so many others have not.  I respect immediately and find the rapport between students as the most important and rewarding part of my job. 

In the end, I believe that God sees us for who we are....He sees the real us.  I want what is in my heart to be shown through my actions.  I have so much room for improvement and must daily remind myself to let go of the past and keep working on my heart. 

What would it mean to love your weaknesses?

Wow. This is one that I truly had to think about before I could respond, as I think it is human nature to carry guilt for our weaknesses. In fact, we often focus far more on the bad things about ourselves than the good. We are our own worst critic, when typically we see our flaws as being far worse than they really are. I have lots of weaknesses...I'm overly sensitive and emotional, I read too much into things, I often lack self confidence, I'm wreckless with money. For me, it is truly hard to say that there is anything that I love about my weaknesses, individually, but collectively they make me who I am. We are constantly growing and learning in life, which includes looking at our weaknesses and assessing their worth. For instance, while a flaw, I like the fact that I do love people with everything that I have, yes to a fault, but there are far worse habits. However, I do not love the fact that I am so careless with money, as it portrays me as being materialistic, self centered and irresponsible. It has been extremely difficult for me to really examine this flaw because it is embarrassing to admit to myself and others. What I can say that I love about this weakness is that it is teaching me humility, which is so very important.

While I do not know if we are equipped to ever truly love our weaknesses, I do believe that they can teach us to be better. In the end, I hope to be better and be the very best me.

If Jesus met you today and began speaking about the wounded parts of your life, what would He mention first?

There are many wounds that reside within me that are invisible to others but so glaringly obvious to Christ. Perhaps the first deepest and most painful wounds that He would acknowledge is the loss of my mother than continues to pain me on a daily basis, He would also talk to be about the emptiness that, at times, consumes me. However, what's most important to focus on is how He would ask that we deal with our wounds. I think He wants to be our healer, He wants us to place our wounds in His hands and to allow him to heal our aching pain.

So many times I focus on the wounds from my past, as a part of understanding why I feel the way that I do today. So today, I ask Him to manage my wounds and I ask do Him to heal me now and for eternity. I surrender all to Him.

Pray Today's Prayer

I don't think I utilize the power of prayer as much as I should in my daily life. Rather, I turn to prayer in moments of weakness and distress. I turn to prayer when I am desperate and in need of His help, not when I am grateful and fulfilled in my life.

Moving forward, I want to pray more frequently for the gifts in my life and I want to pray for others that are suffering and are not as fortunate as I. I have so many gifts in my life....good family, friends and a beautiful niece. Today I am praying for the good in my life. Thank you God for so many gifts.

What do you yearn for this Lenten season?

Psalm 95 says, "O that you would listen to His voice!"  Often, easier said than done.  God is always with us, watching us and desperately wanting us to follow in His path, however, at times we are lead into temptation and we fail to listen.

For several years, I have failed to listen--I have let go of my spirituality, which is so imperative to being the best you.  I have followed the path of temptation and I have sinned.  I am well aware of my sins and I am ashamed that I have failed to listen to His voice when he was so eagerly waiting for me to follow His word.  Christ sacrificed His life for the life of all mankind--I believe this and it is painful to admit that someone would give me such a wonderful gift and in return, I do not live my life for Him.  What little He asks of us for such a big gift--life.

I yearn to listen to the voice of Christ.  To follow His word, even during the most difficult times when I am tempted to give up, I want to listen to Him.

What do you need to leave behind this lenten season?

Christ promises new life and forgiveness.  To wallow in our mistakes is to go against His word, as we should accept His forgiveness for the gift that it is. 

I constantly find myself thinking about the past, regretting the past and beating myself up over my past.  I find myself consumed with regret, rather than growing and learning from the experiences and vowing to not make these mistakes again, rather to learn and be better as a result of my poor choices or negative experiences.  I have a hard time fully understanding the forgiveness that Christ offers, as I cannot understand that time of forgiveness and love.  Unconditional love is so hard to phathom because I am not sure that I have been put in a situation where my love for others has been tested.  Rather, I continually, test the love of those that love me so much.  I test their limits and expect abandonment, yet I am loved relentlessly. 

So, this lenton season, I am asking Him for forgiveness in an effort to leave behind the mistakes of my past.

What does the cross symbolize for you?

"But choosing the cross means life; choosing life without it means death. Only by entering the darkness can I begin to find the light."  These words, from today's devotional, jumped from the page. 

Christ bore the cross for us, I have always believed that, in fact I am still in awe that He would have so much love for me that he suffered for ME.  In fact, when I decided to accept Christ into my life, I can still remember the wave of emotions that swept through me.  It is hard to phathom that type of love.  It is hard to imagine that degree of selflessness, to carry that burden for the good of so many.  To walk through that degree of darkness to find the light....

We bear a cross.  I carry a cross, and I am in the moment of darkness, looking for the light.  And, I must admit that there are days that my cross is so heavy that I want to drop it and HAVE dropped it.  There are times when, unfortunately, I have given up and fallen into the depths of sorrow and sin.  I am ashamed of these moments in my life.  But, Christ does not give up on us.  He is continually offering hope.  He desperately wants us to see the light.  His love is a gift and I no longer want to take that gift for granted. 

For me, the cross is hope. 

Have you ever thought of sorrow as a gift?

Good Morning, All!  In an effort to build a better me, I am following Summer and Meg, and I am reflecting. 

The question for today is particularly interesting to me, as I remember the loss of my mother nearly 11 years ago.  A loss that I continue to carry.  The love of a parent does not go away, there is no quick fix, and though time has repaired me in so many ways, I ache for her.  So can I see sorrow as a gift? 

I have always been a believer in that there is a time, reason and purpose for all things.  For example, I see the divorce of my parents as a good thing, as it ultimately brought me closer to both my mom and my dad.  The relationship forged by their divorce became a defining, but positive in my life.  Ironically, the sadness of their separation was indeed a gift.

I think that I should see the sorrow from the loss of my precious mother as a gift, which makes me a better person.  The person that she would be proud of and want me to be.  Unfortunately, I do not think I make her proud.  I see others that I strive to be, that I know would make her proud.  My friend Krista, who loves me unconditionally and knows the value of "tough love" would make her proud.  My friend Amber, who protects and defends me, would make her proud.  My friend Meg, who encourages me to be more spiritual, would make her proud.  And, my friend Summer, with her infinite love and patience, would make her proud.  The culmination of these people MAKE my mother; each carrying an aspect of her.  Having these people in my life makes her proud. 

I want to be a better person.  I want to take the sorrow from my past and grow into a better person as a result.  My friends are the true gift.  Life is the true gift.